Daddy's Girl

So this past weekend was Matt's first time really taking of Elizabeth on his own. Moms - if you haven't done this yet, let them do it!! Dads - do not be scared, it will be the best weekend of your life!! I do have to admit that I was a very nervous for several reasons. (1) I have never left Elizabeth for that long and (2) Matt would have her for 4 days by himself. Why that bothered me...I don't know (maybe because I am a control freak!!). The comforting thing was to hear Matt so excited to get to spend quality time with our daughter.

So off on the plane I went and trusted that Daddy instincts would kick in. But then I started wondering if men do have Daddy instincts because sometimes I think God forgot to give them some!! I watch other Dads and hear from my girlfriends and I really wonder why God only let women go through changes (carrying the baby and all). Then we as women simply take charge when the baby is born and we forget that they haven't had that 9 months to really bond with the baby. Then we get mad when they aren't doing things right or don't have the drive or desire to help and do things all the time. Wow...we women are really complicated!!

So...back on topic!! Matt sent me several movies and pictures throughout the weekend. This small gesture meant the world to me! I felt included in the weekend. Here are some of them:

Changing a diaper can be intense. Good thing the State Patrol provided gas masks for situations such as this!

The text said: Rode my horse to the party. I'm sober. I promise. Its only root beer.

He took her on her first bike ride. Can you tell she's excited???

When I got home, it made me so happy when Elizabeth ran to me and would not let me put her down. But then a strange thing happened...she started crying when Matt walked out of the room. I would have thought this would have made me upset, but it didn't. My heart was exploding with joy!! She had so much fun with her Daddy that she didn't want him out of her sight. Then we as a sweet family of 3 read books and put her to bed. I cannot explain to you the amount of joy I had at that very moment. At that moment, I felt complete. I am so thankful to my heavenly Father for these sweet moments!!

Unconditional Love

This theme of unconditional love as appeared pretty consistently for the last several weeks. This is quite possibly the most amazing trait Jesus demonstrated but the hardest for us human beings to grasp. Why is that? Why are we so naturally selfish?

To love somebody no matter what they do appears to be a task that is easy to do as long as we like the person and we like or approve of what it is they are doing. I have found myself preaching this while promoting IHNA because Jesus did tell us we needed to love and reach those that are the least of these. I can love my families and to some extent unconditionally (not going to lie, there are days when I do not love them because of decisions they make but I am working on it!) but why is it so hard in my personal life?

I love my husband (and like him most of the time) and my child but why is it so hard with other family members and friends? Simple answer: because I don't have the heart like Jesus.

After attending the National Family Promise Conference this past weekend (Family Promise is the parent organization of IHNA), I began patting myself on the back for the great works that I have done in the lives of the families served at IHNA. I was then quickly and rather abruptly reminded by God that He was the one changing lives and I was simply using the gifts He gave me. Now don't get me wrong here....I enjoyed the weekend greatly and I loved getting tons of ideas from other affiliates and learning how to make this organization better. But there was something different after God showed me through the book "One Thousand Gifts" that my job, my family, my life was all because of God's great mercy and love and purpose.

I came home to a wonderful husband who took care of the house and my beautiful child. I was thankful that they had such a great weekend where they got to enjoy each other. Elizabeth is having some attachment issues now with both of us which has made the last several days difficult but overall this weekend has made us grow stronger as a family. Amazing how one simple conference can produce such an outcome. God does so much with so little!!

So thankful for His unconditional love. Striving, craving, and desiring to be more like Him.

Snuggle Moments

So I guess I did too much Friday and Saturday because I have been in one of those moods today. You know...the one where it would have been easier to stay in bed (the weather didn't help either) and not have any responsibilities. The day began with Elizabeth being in one of her lovely moods and she had a tantrum while putting clothes on. She then took FOREVER to eat breakfast which in turn made us late to church and I was singing in the choir.

Church was exactly what I needed today (don't you love it when that happens??). Pastor Dan talked about when we go through those "spiritual winters" and gave some uplifting words on how we are never forsaken by God and even when we feel that He is not there...He is!! The choir sang the anthem I quoted in my previous blog post called "Bow the Knee". It was so fitting and perfect. I cannot get the words out of my head, which is a good thing right now.

We then had lunch with friends and family. Elizabeth was then in another one of her moods. Sidebar: she was probably not as bad as I am recollecting because I was still in a mood. The afternoon only got worse with her mood and mine! I was so excited to be able to crawl in bed and take a wonderful little nap - Elizabeth had other plans. She might have fallen asleep for maybe 45 minutes. Matt left for work and I felt defeated.

Luckily Elizabeth and I survived the night. Today was one of those days when being a mother was very hard (for those that have older children, I know this is only the beginning). It was one of the first times since she was an infant when I felt defeated and honestly...I didn't like her very much today. I LOVE her always..but not so much liking her very much today. We were both feeding off of each other's moods and I think she felt it. In fact, I know she felt it.

The whole day was made better when I was rocking her after we read books. She snuggled into me and I began singing. She started "singing" with me very softly. In between the songs, I kissed her on the head and told her I loved her. She snuggled in tighter (felt almost like a hug) and "talked" back to me. My heart melted all over again. I couldn't have liked or loved her anymore than in that moment.

It has made me think...there are times when I know that God doesn't like me - the decisions I have made, my attitude, my lack of gratitude, and the list goes on and on. He still LOVES me and is still there for me...taking care of me, just as I was for Elizabeth. Then there are those sweet moments when I snuggle into Him and I know His heart is warmed.

Looking forward to more "snuggle moments" in my life! :)

Family Day

Today was such a fun Saturday! For one - I LOVE waking up to Elizabeth talking instead of my alarm clock. We ate breakfast together and I enjoyed listening to her laugh and get excited over chocolate pop-tarts. She even dipped her pop tart in some milk she spilled on her tray! Just like her Daddy! :)

We went for a run around 10am (I had to let it warm up a little). The weather was great and Elizabeth slept the entire run since she was still in her pjs, socks, and a snuggly blanket. The run wasn't the best I have ever done and I found myself walking more towards the end which was perfectly fine with me! It was a beautiful time to clear my head and enjoy the amazing weather God blessed us with.

After Matt woke up from working all night, we decided to go to a little playground. We actually went to Martinez Elementary and took Elizabeth to play on the swings and playground equipment there. This is actually the first place Matt and I met back when we were attending that school. We realized years later that he used to chase me around the playground!! We had so much fun reliving those years and making new memories with Elizabeth. Here are some of the pics:

She had so much fun climbing up the stairs and sliding down the slide (sometimes with me and other times sliding down to Matt)

Woman on a mission!!!

I have wanted to be a mother for a long time but I was never prepared for the amount of joy that she has brought into my life. Every day is an adventure and I love being able to hear her sweet laughter!!

So Big!!!

Ok...so I know you all remember jumping off the swings when you were little and then having major contests of who could go the farthest when you were a little older?? Matt dared me to jump out of the swing. For those of you that know me, my first response was NO! There are risks involved (I could fall flat on my face, break and ankle..etc, etc.) Then I thought...what the heck! It was so liberating and fun!! Of course, I wasn't going very high and I only did it once, but you get the point!! Don't forget to stop and have fun!

What made today so special was being able to spend it as a family. I am so grateful to God that He placed such an amazing man in my life. I love looking back and seeing how far we have grown not only as individuals but as a couple. I look forward to many more family days at playgrounds :)

Jesus Take the Wheel

This week has been a rough week so far. A lot of good things have happened but they seem to have been overshadowed by the bad. The world and our lives are so complicated and there is so much pain being endured by too many people.

Let me preface where I am going with this: I love my job and the majority of what has gone on this week is actually been in my personal life...not work. Even though I see a lot of things that break my heart in job, nothing hits home more than things happening to those you love.

There are so many days that I wish Jesus said somewhere in the Bible that once we trust and follow Him that our lives would be easy. Wouldn't that be a PR move?? Why does it seem to get harder the stronger (or at least when I think it is stronger) my faith gets? How do we deal with pain and suffering not only felt by us but by those closest to us??

I was having a conversation with God today..well...if I was honest it really wasn't a conversation because I was doing all the talking and not even taking a breath for Him to say anything. In the middle of me asking all of these questions plus many more (in a rather not nice tone of voice too)...a song came on the radio...Jesus take the Wheel. I will not put all the lyrics but here was the chorus that just made me cry:

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

Why am I so insistent on driving the stinkin car?? Why can't I just get in the wheelbarrow (story for another blog)?? He knows of all the pain and suffering and He wants us to give it all to Him. It is EXHAUSTING taking all of it on our own. But for some reason, we keep jumping back in the driver's seat.

Today I felt like I hit that patch of ice in the road and everything was spinning out of control but He took the wheel and guided me to safe ground. Thank you Jesus for your patience with me!!!

Just Fishin

If you haven't figured out, I LOVE music and songs always speak to me. So...you will see a lot of references to songs throughout my blogs.

We had a fabulous weekend up at the lake. My parents, Matt, Elizabeth, and I rented a lake house and enjoyed a relaxing weekend. What was neat about all of this was that this was a lake house that we used to always use when I was a child. We used to know the people that owned it and we were able to use it all the time. It is a wonderful childhood memory of mine so I was even more excited to make more memories with my child.

The Trace Adkins' new song "Just Fishin" played multiple times and it really made me think. Here are the lyrics:

I'm lost in her holdin' that pink rod and reel
She's doin' almost everything but sittin' still
Talkin' 'bout her ballet shoes and training wheels
And her kittens
And she thinks we're just fishin'

I say, "Daddy loves you, baby" one more time
She says, "I know. I think I got a bite."
And all this laughin', cryin, smilin' dyin' here inside's
What I call, livin'

And she thinks we're just fishin' on the riverside
Throwin' back what we could fry
Drowin' worms and killin' time
Nothin'too ambitious
She ain't even thinkin' 'bout
What's really going' on right now
But I guarantee this memory's a big'in
And she thinks we're just fishin'

She's already pretty, like her mama is
Gonna drive the boys all cray
Give her daddy fits
And I better do this every chance I get
'Cause time is tickin'

It reminded me of so many memories I had with my father fishing with my Mickey Mouse fishing pole and tackle box. It made me realize how important every single moment I have with my daugther is so important. It doesn't matter what it is...it is spending time with her. I used to always get frustrated with my father when I was younger because he would always tell me he had a secret to tell me. The secret was always "I Love You". I would get so mad when he would tell me that I didn't know the secret, I would fall for the "trick" and he would tell me again. When I would get all bent out of shape, he would remind me that there were children out there that have never heard their parents ever say those words.

It was such a sweet reminder to treasure the time not only with my daughter but with my family and friends. I am thankful for weekends like last weekend!!

Tell those you love that you love them...don't just assume they know. Spend quality time with those you love and cherish every moment even if you're "just fishin'"

Bow the Knee

In choir practice last night, we practiced this song called "Bow the Knee"  with words and music by Chris Machen and Mike Harland (arranged by Tom Fetke). We have sung it before but the words really spoke to me last night. Here are the words:

There are moments on your journey following the Lord where God illuminates every step we take
There are times when circumstances make perfect sense to us as we try to understand each move He makes
When the path grows dim and our questions have no answers, turn to Him

Bow the knee; trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see
Bow the knee; lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who hold eternity
And when you don't understand the pupose of the plan, in the presence of the King, bow the knee

There are days when clouds surround us nd the rain begins to fall. The cold and lonely winds won't cease to blow.
And there seems to be no reason for the suffering we feel; We are tempted to believe God does not know.
When the storms arise, don't forget we live by faith and not by sight.

Bow the knee; trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see
Bow the knee; lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who hold eternity
And when you don't understand the pupose of the plan, in the presence of the King, bow the knee


Some things in my life right now I do not see what the full plan God has for me. It is frustrating because for those that know me, I LOVE to be in control of everything. I want to know why God is doing what He is doing RIGHT NOW! Right now I am having a hard time watching friends and loved ones struggle with heartache and pain. Some are more open to talking about and then others are suffering in silence. It is painful to watch and it is exhausting trying to be strong for them.

Today and tomorrow are pretty intense and busy days at work and I admit that I already have a poor attitude going into them. Today is going to be a long day and I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and then my morning routine was all thrown off by Matt being awake and Elizabeth getting up really early. Taking it one step at a time but I think I might need an IV of Diet Coke!! Looking forward to my "therapy lunch" with a good friend who always puts things in perspective.

Thankful today for a God that does know the entire plan and is in control of everything. And maybe I need to bow my knee a little more often....

Fellowship

Today was crazy!! (I feel like I have started a lot of my posts off this way so hopefully my days will slow down soon). My ladies at work kept me busy helping them buy cleaning supplies to clean their new place and getting paperwork squared away to return to school - all of these things I am GLAD to do and actually love doing as I watch the excitement on their face as they accomplish things.

I had a late start to the work day since we had Elizabeth's 1 year old checkup. I am happy to report that she is a healthy and petite little thing who was so mad at the nurse after she gave her 4 shots!! She recovered and had a great day at daycare.

When I finally got to work it was full speed ahead. I was running around and running behind when I looked at my watch and realized I was running late to lunch. I had a great lunch which really put me in the mood for the rest of the day.

Today I have been thinking about a few things but one theme: do you know when you are talking with someone if they are a Christian or not?? I have come in contact with several people today that I knew when they first began talking that they were a believer. It wasn't even what they said but how they said it. It made me begin thinking...when people first meet me, do they see that? Do nonbelievers see the same thing?? Do they leave wanting something different?

As I was rushing home today to complete all my daily chores so I could have my quiet time and study the Bible...I felt guilty. Why did I rush to further my relationship with God when I didn't take any time out of my day to further His word? Why keep it all to myself?

I think it is great to have these thoughts but I really need to start acting on it. God is putting all this on my heart but for some reason it still scares me to death! It was so easy to share my faith in a third world country on mission trips but it is quite possibly the scariest thing to think of bringing up to those close me.

God speaks to us everyday...are we listening?? Better yet...are we obeying??

"Labor" Day Weekend

Whew!! This weekend is over! It was full of excitement and lots of work. On Saturday we had a wonderful pary for Elizabeth. I am so grateful to friends who let us use their house for the party, my parents who were so flexible with my crazy brain that wasn't working, in-laws who made punch and veggie tray, and most of all my fabulous husband who helped me more than words can say.

The part I enjoyed the most was when Elizabeth dug into her birthday cake.

As she was doing this, I looked around and saw so many people who love my daughter so much. It made me so happy to know that she was surrounded by such strong Christian men and women. I pray that they will be the role models and people Elizabeth looks up to as she grows in her faith. But then I realized that there were several in that room that I was unsure of their faith....Why is it that I do not know??? These are close people, why haven't I done anything? Am I scared of what they will say or am I scared that they will tell me that they just don't believe?? These are questions that have haunted me since Saturday.

After a restless sleep Saturday night (because of these questions and Elizabeth getting up throughout the night), I woke up to a daughter with a fever. We enjoyed the morning playing and watching church on TV. As much as I enjoy watching church on TV, there is something to be said about actually being there and being around that cloud of witnesses.

Matt and I finally did what I have been wanting to do for a long time...clean out our attics!!! You see, I have wanted our bonus room to be a play room for Elizabeth. It wasn't until she got sooooo many toys for her birthday that this became necessary. After she went down for her nap, we cleaned 2 of our attics. We got rid of so many things and were able to organize them. I now have  play room for Elizabeth and she LOVES it. My husband was amazing during the entire process. I shut down when I realized that I had to part with a lot of my things. I felt like I was on the show, Hoarders, and couldn't part with all of it. Matt and I completed this whole process in 4 hours!!

After all that organizing we went to celebrate our niece's birthday. Elizabeth spent the night with my parents and Matt and I enjoyed a night together without responsibilities!! Actually...he was still feeling pretty bad from a cold he got and then I got sick around 10pm. A long night filled with tossing and turning and throat on fire. At finally 3am I took an ambien.

So my weekend was filled and lots on my mind. I finished reading the book "Same Kind of Different As Me" and still tear up when I think about it. I have a few thoughts on that book as well that will probably come this week.

Time to get some sleep before taking Elizabeth to her 1 year checkup tomorrow. Lots to think about and pray about.

Thought to think on: who are the people that are in your life that you do question their faith?? If they died tomorrow, would you have the peace that you would see them again? If you don't know...what's stopping you from changing that?

Crazy, Busy, Hectic Week

This has been one crazy week both at work and at home! We are in the process of moving one family out this week and then another next week. It is a wonderful thing because one will be completely self-sufficient and another will be moving to transitional housing. With this comes a lot of things that are needed (especially items in the house). It was so nice to watch our Augusta agencies work together for one common cause and help my family get everything she needed!!

With all of the mini storms that have been going on in my life this week, God finally showed me the rainbow last night. I came home last night to cupcakes already been made by my wonderful husband. This took a huge load off of me (now all I have to do is decorate them!). This allowed me to spend some quality time with Elizabeth. Instead of going on our usual walk, we just played. It was so special. She was laughing and "talking" and would come and snuggle. After her bedtime routine, I was able to go on a brief run by myself. It kicked my butt! I was thinking of everything I needed to (paperwork, cupcakes, moving furniture, cleaning house, schedule for Saturday, Holiday weekend plans, etc) and I just could not continue running and having all these things on my mind. I had to come down to a walk after only 1 mile (which frustrated me even more). I was then worried because it was getting dark and I really need to be closer to home. Then the sweetest thing happened: I heard that precious voice of God. He told me to breathe. It was so comforting...I cannot explain it. Then I watched as a rabbit ran in front me into the woods. Then a couple of frogs hopped in front of my path. God's amazing creatures enjoying life and not worrying about anything!!

How many things did I miss yesterday because I was stressing and overwhelmed (of which I never once asked God for help)?? Last night I crawled in bed and began reading more of the book "Same Kind of Different as Me" which made me cry several times - will bring this up at a later post when I've finished the book. I prayed that God would forgive me for trying to take on the world and doing things myself. I asked for a heart and mind like Noah who just obeyed.

This morning I came into my office with the sweetest note awaiting me: Thanks Ms. Sarah. We love you and thank you so much for everything you've done for us. May God always bless you for giving us a shot and for helping us to be back on our feet. We love ya!!

What a blessing!! Which made me think of the verse in Genesis when God was talking to Abraham and told him "I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your  name great, SO THAT YOU WILL BE A BLESSING".

Are you so concerned with being blessed that you aren't bessing others??? I know that I had my focus in the wrong place earlier in the week. Thankfully we have such a loving and forgiving Father that shows us through His voice, His creation, and through others what means the most.


Now off to work, pick up a birthday cake, decorate cupcakes, and PRAISE GOD that He is in control of everything!!