Courageous Part 2

The next resolution is that of excepting me for me. The resolution actually states, "I will accept and celebrate my uniqueness, and will esteem and encourage the distinctions I admire in other".

The uniqueness in me defines not only my strengths but my weaknesses (and we all know I have plenty of those!!). But then this book encouraged me to memorize the following verses and they were pretty powerful:

Declaration of my importance to God
Ephesians 2:10
"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do"

Confirmation of my selection by God
Jeremiah 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations"

First of all...how amazing it is to read that?? Not only is it incredible that God created each and every one of us, but He made us to do good works. He goes even further to say, "Don't get freaked out that you have all of these great things to do because I already prepared for all of those things". AND I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. WHAT?? Me, a prophet?? No thanks!! But wait...He isn't talking about JUST me. He is talking about all of us. He didn't give us all of these amazing things for us to keep them all to ourselves. We are to share His story and our story with everyone.

Be confident in who you are, strengths and weaknesses. God made you who you are for a reason. I love doing this book along with a study we are doing in our new community group. We are doing a study by the book Chazown. It is all about finding God's vision for your life and living your life with that vision in mind. It starts off by saying the same thing. Everything about my life, including the past experiences that I don't particularly like or would like to forget, are actually good. Romans 8:28 states "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". Even through suffering and all the storms of life, it is all for a reason. A reason that we may not be able to see when the rain is pouring down (maybe it's because we don't have the windshield wipers on OR we choose to not turn them on).

I am turning my windshield wipers on!!! Looking for the rainbow before the storm is over!! Accepting my strengths and my weaknesses because the most amazing creator made me that way.

Courageous

Yes...this is about the movie!!! I have seen Courageous going on 6 times now and it still so powerful to me. I am so thankful for the people that created this film. It is not only encouraging for fathers, but for mothers as well. I have been thinking so much about how I should spend time with Elizabeth and the things that I as her mother have to teach her.

My parents gave Matt and I the package deal of Courageous which consisted of the movie, another movie that to be honest we haven't even looked at yet, Resolution for Men, and Resolution for Women books. I began reading my book and holy cow is it SERIOUS!!! It has a list of resolutions and then it walks you through being able to sign them off one by one. It took me over a month to sign the first one!

But I realized something....why do we always settle for good enough? I am "Ok" as a mother, wife, social worker, etc. Why not strive to be great at all of those things? Why not look for God's purpose in everything??

So to hold myself accountable I am letting you know the first 2 resolutions I have signed:

I do solemnly resolve to embrace my current season in life and will maximize my time in it. I will resist the urge to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey but will live with a spirit of contentment. (This one was the hardest one so far to sign. The words that hit me the hardest were EMBRACE and MAXIMIZE!)

I will champion God's model for womanhood in the fae of a postfeminist culture. I will teach it to my daughters and encourage its support by my sons. (Thought this was going to be any easy one but if you know me personally then you know that it was hard for me to take a step back. It doesn't mean I am less of a woman but I had to learn what God expects of me as a woman)


So...those are the first 2!! Did I mention it wasn't going to be easy? But is completely changing your life easy? Will report again when I make it to the next resolutions!!

After the Storm

Trusting God is easier said than done. Isn't it easier to say we completely trust Him when things are going our way? In the last month, things have changed dramatically in our home. Some are good and others are still up for interpretation!

I mentioned in my previous post about God now has me in place that I am uncomfortable. When I look back at journal entries and things I can see that in these times that I am uncomfortable I tend to cling to Him (which is probably the reason why I keep finding myself in these situations - why don't I cling ALL the time??) Why is it I only cling to Him during the storms??

Church and I now have a love/hate relationship. I am overjoyed with the changes that are occurring with my sweet family but I am grieving the loss of 26 years in another church. How do you move past this? Why do I still feel this way? Why can't I just see all the of the good and move on? I asked God for conformation that this was where my family was supposed to be and He has given me MORE THAN PLENTY of them. Why am I being so selfish? I am being fed spiritually move than I have ever been before but why do I feel so uneasy? Why do I have a guard up when I enter this new church? Why do I think they can't provide me what I had at the last church? I feel like I am swirling around!!

We had a pretty bad storm here yesterday. I was out to lunch with my favorite lunch date, Ashley (my staff lovingly calls it Margarita lunch because it is just as therapeutic as drinking margaritas). As we were sitting there, this huge storm came. There was large amounts of rain, then hail, and the power went out. It was pretty scary. We couldn't see out the window because of all of the water. I have a similar feeling right now. That I can't see where I am going and it is scary!

But isn't that what it is all about? Living by FAITH and not by SIGHT?? Dying to my old SELFISH self and being reborn NEW?

When storms come in our lives, Satan likes to help us dwell on the negative to the point that we can't even see all the good that is coming from it. Satan like to tell us that it is all about me and nothing else matters. Sweet Jesus, remind me daily that you are weathering the storm with me and all good things come to those who trust in you. Forgive me for being selfish and thank you for all that you have been doing in my family. Don't let me miss the rainbow after the storm!!!

Quiet Time

I am blessed to have some amazing women in my life who have shared some great words of wisdom. On my ride into work this morning, I realized that I am being selfish by not sharing with everyone their wonderful advice!! Side note - this entry might have random thoughts in it that may not flow!

One thing I have been struggling with is this concept of "Quiet Time" with God. I thought I figured it out in November of last year becuase the Bible was really speaking to me in a way that I never understood before. I was waking up at 5:30am to spend "Quiet Time" with God. Over time, I was reading scripture that didn't make sense or then I got too busy or Elizabeth woke up earlier that she normally did, excuses, excuses, excuses. Then I gave up for a while because there is never Quiet in my house anymore.

At the Women's Retreat a few weekends ago, Kris Key reminded me that "Quiet Time" doesn't have to be quiet. I can read out loud scriptures and devotions while Elizabeth is playing. Even better, what a great way to start showing her what reading the Bible and devotions is all about. A huge weight was lifted (along with my excuses). She also recommend a great devotion called "This Day with the Master". It is on my Xoom and I read it wherever I am....at work, in the car waiting for one of my clients, while Elizabeth is eating/throwing her breakfast, etc.

Another special lady in my life challenged me back in November to start my day with giving God thanks. I thought she was CRAZY. I remembered this little piece of advice this morning and I began thanking God for the trees that drape over Walton Way and for many other things. It just fills your heart with joy immediately! What a great way to start the day and your time with God!!

Another special lady encouraged me to start journaling. I am still not very good with this but I am getting better. Writing down my thoughts, feelings, concerns, prayers, things I feel God is telling me, etc. I have also started taking notes during the sermon. That has been the most amazing thing because I don't know about you, but I forget things very quickly! This way you can always go back and be reminded what God was telling you that day at that church through that Pastor. For me, this blog and my journal are ways for me to remember the amazing people that God has placed in my life and how He is ALWAYS working.

So why do we come up with all these excuses not to spend time with God? What is stopping you from spending some time alone with Him? Rejoice in knowing that everything around you does not have to be quiet in order for you to be with Him!!!

Church Home

I have had this written for a while but after yesterday's sermon, I think it is time to post it!! So...here goes nothing:

Many of you know that I have been raised at a particular church for my entire life. It has been amazing. I was confirmed there, married there, and my sweet daughter was baptized there. I have so many special memories as a child growing up at this church. When I got married and had Elizabeth, I just assumed that this would be my church forever and that this would be my family's church.

I have recently realized how selfish I have been. I have forced this church onto my husband and my family. It had to be so difficult and I am now slowly seeing this. I am not saying the church did anything wrong. But how hard was it for Matt to come into a place that knew everything about me. Knew things that he didn't even know. And then how silly for me to think that he would instantly feel what I felt with my 26 years of being there.

On January 8th, I was sitting in an evening worship service and the pastor was talking about the blind man who with Jesus' help, was able to see again. The pastor asked us to look at what God was trying to help us see. I remember looking up and seeing the walls of this church and realizing that I no longer recognized this church. It was no longer my church. This was quite possibly the hardest thing God has ever shown me. I was heartbroken, mad, scared, and all the emotions in between. God couldn't be telling me this! I have grown up here and my child MUST grow up here! I know everyone here. My job requires me to work closely with many of these people. They have helped make me the woman I am. I cannot give up on the church now.

I remember leaving the church that night in tears. Matt asked me if I wanted to visit other churches and I told him no. Poor guy...he was probably so confused!! Here I am saying that I realized that God had another church in mind for us but I didn't want to find it!

That week I began praying where it was that we were supposed to go. Even though I wasn't ready for the answer (I really didn't want Him to respond at all), I felt the push to go to The Quest Church. I told Matt and he said would like to try it. We went on January 15th and things have not been the same since. I remember feeling sick to my stomach the entire way there because I felt like I was cheating on my church. The message I heard was perfect. It was about being at a crossroads and to pick the cross every time. I was uncomfortable but I received conformation that if I was too comfortable, then I wasn't listening to God.

I still cry every time I step foot into that church. Partly because I am still selfishly holding onto my dreams of my home church. Another part is because I am overjoyed to have my ENTIRE family at church with me. To have my husband worshipping beside me and my child being loved and nurtured in the nursery.

I still felt that I need more conformation from God. This past week, I went on a Women's Retreat. I received a phone call from Matt telling me about the worship service that morning. Speechless. Then he said these words - it was a place that he did not feel judged. That's it!! This is the place we are supposed to be!! This was home for Matt and therefore it is home for me. In this season of our lives, this is where we are supposed to be.

You see...for Matt, he needed to feel comfortable. For me... I needed to be uncomfortable. We both needed to feel this way to draw closer to Him.

We attended a community group this past Monday after Matt called around and found out when it was meeting and what they were discussing. I loved watching him be comfortable. For me...I was SO uncomfortable. Not because of anything that anyone did (actually, they were very inviting)...but because this was the first time I attended any church function and knew no one there. For once, I felt the way Matt had to have felt all those years. It was an eye-opening experience on so many levels.

God always knows what He is doing. Why do we always try and get in the way? I will be content in being uncomfortable because I know that I am following Him.