Church Home

I have had this written for a while but after yesterday's sermon, I think it is time to post it!! So...here goes nothing:

Many of you know that I have been raised at a particular church for my entire life. It has been amazing. I was confirmed there, married there, and my sweet daughter was baptized there. I have so many special memories as a child growing up at this church. When I got married and had Elizabeth, I just assumed that this would be my church forever and that this would be my family's church.

I have recently realized how selfish I have been. I have forced this church onto my husband and my family. It had to be so difficult and I am now slowly seeing this. I am not saying the church did anything wrong. But how hard was it for Matt to come into a place that knew everything about me. Knew things that he didn't even know. And then how silly for me to think that he would instantly feel what I felt with my 26 years of being there.

On January 8th, I was sitting in an evening worship service and the pastor was talking about the blind man who with Jesus' help, was able to see again. The pastor asked us to look at what God was trying to help us see. I remember looking up and seeing the walls of this church and realizing that I no longer recognized this church. It was no longer my church. This was quite possibly the hardest thing God has ever shown me. I was heartbroken, mad, scared, and all the emotions in between. God couldn't be telling me this! I have grown up here and my child MUST grow up here! I know everyone here. My job requires me to work closely with many of these people. They have helped make me the woman I am. I cannot give up on the church now.

I remember leaving the church that night in tears. Matt asked me if I wanted to visit other churches and I told him no. Poor guy...he was probably so confused!! Here I am saying that I realized that God had another church in mind for us but I didn't want to find it!

That week I began praying where it was that we were supposed to go. Even though I wasn't ready for the answer (I really didn't want Him to respond at all), I felt the push to go to The Quest Church. I told Matt and he said would like to try it. We went on January 15th and things have not been the same since. I remember feeling sick to my stomach the entire way there because I felt like I was cheating on my church. The message I heard was perfect. It was about being at a crossroads and to pick the cross every time. I was uncomfortable but I received conformation that if I was too comfortable, then I wasn't listening to God.

I still cry every time I step foot into that church. Partly because I am still selfishly holding onto my dreams of my home church. Another part is because I am overjoyed to have my ENTIRE family at church with me. To have my husband worshipping beside me and my child being loved and nurtured in the nursery.

I still felt that I need more conformation from God. This past week, I went on a Women's Retreat. I received a phone call from Matt telling me about the worship service that morning. Speechless. Then he said these words - it was a place that he did not feel judged. That's it!! This is the place we are supposed to be!! This was home for Matt and therefore it is home for me. In this season of our lives, this is where we are supposed to be.

You see...for Matt, he needed to feel comfortable. For me... I needed to be uncomfortable. We both needed to feel this way to draw closer to Him.

We attended a community group this past Monday after Matt called around and found out when it was meeting and what they were discussing. I loved watching him be comfortable. For me...I was SO uncomfortable. Not because of anything that anyone did (actually, they were very inviting)...but because this was the first time I attended any church function and knew no one there. For once, I felt the way Matt had to have felt all those years. It was an eye-opening experience on so many levels.

God always knows what He is doing. Why do we always try and get in the way? I will be content in being uncomfortable because I know that I am following Him.