Miracle Birth Story - Part 5

Wednesday

Thank GOD for Wednesday!! Quest Staff was celebrating our Student Minister's 30th Birthday and they surprised him by having a birthday party for him a Chucky Cheese. One of my best friend's is also on staff and she kept me updated with play by play texts and pictures. I cannot remember laughing that hard in a long time! My heart was filled with joy.

God knew I needed a break in the midst of this storm. He gave it me in the form of text messaging and pictures but He reminded me that so many good things can happen even while we are in those storms.

Later that night, I received a text and I will forever save. It came from our children's minister and also just dear friend and mentor. She simply sent this: "God will turn our temporary pain into eternal gain. And that's the rewards we are after"

I also had no idea how much I would cling to this quote later.....


Thursday

God must have known I needed Wednesday in order to deal with Thursday. I woke up in a great deal of pain and my pain level never went down. This was extremely discouraging because I was still praying that I would wake up one day in no pain and be able to go home. This was the complete opposite of my prayers.

In the midst of the pain, goodness came. It came in the form of a sweet nurse that came in and let me know that I could come off all the monitors and my IV could come out. YAY!! I was finally free (well..sorta...but I would take what I could get!!). I cannot even begin to tell you how this helped me mentally. There was something glorious about not being hooked up to anything! I think it also gave me a false sense of security that everything was really not as bad as the doctors were thinking. I later learned that my doctor was very much against taking me off everything but the high risk doctor assured her it would be okay.

By this time, the amount of visitors had started decreasing so it left more time for Matt and I to work on some things for the Belize Youth Camp he would be leading in several weeks. It was great to get my mind off things. The problem was that we were able to do everything in a short amount of time so it left more down time for me to start surfing the internet. Self-diagnosing is a bad thing. Searching the internet for other people that have had similar situations - BAD IDEA. Searching about preemie babies - ANOTHER BAD IDEA.

My brain would not shut off. I could not think of many positive things. Honestly, I missed out on seeing so many blessings from this point forward because I was so preoccupied with all of the "what ifs". I started doubting the plan. I doubted my doctor's abilities. I doubted if I could wait 4 more days. I doubted if Will would survive. I seriously doubted that God would take care of Will and me.

That is a scary place to be in when the God that you have trusted and loved for the majority of your life becomes the person you doubt the most. His promises slowly became not for me. I knew His words in my head but they were slowly fading from my heart.....